Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
