OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
