The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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