I'm going to jail i love you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
