So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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