i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I party with great urgency now.
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