My cat gives me a boner
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
