Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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