1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
