His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
