I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
