Can Purell be used as lube?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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