how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
