I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
