no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
