I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
