I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
