she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
