you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
