I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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