Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
