Do you still have your period?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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