all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
