I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
