Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize