I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize