Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
