So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
