I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
