How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
