Duck Duck Cougar?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
