i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
