omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
