After last night, I could never be a politician.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize