why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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