I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need moral support for this bender
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A+ Viking dick
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize