Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
