I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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