just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
