Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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