you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
