They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
