Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
