If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
