I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
