I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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