I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
