Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
