so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
