I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize