sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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