I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
