i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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