I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
