Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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