Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
