Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just invented taco cereal.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
