I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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