If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
