so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
