I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
