the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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