he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
