I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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