R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
