Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize