I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
