so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
