drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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