using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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