Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
