I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I party with great urgency now.
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