I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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