Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
