the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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