Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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