i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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