that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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