I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
