Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
