why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize