Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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