Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
