you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
