i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
