If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
