Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
