i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
